i am making peace with it,
the last few years that is.
i have reached a point in my life where i truly just want to be left alone; i still don’t know why, but it’s just an overwhelming feeling that i can no longer ignore.
it seems that for the longest time i blamed it on my need to end my life, thus my mental disorder. but really i just longer feel joy in forming any sort of relation with anyone. it’s all unnecessary effort. the amount of greed it all stems from; whether be it on my side or on par, it is all disgusting to me.
it may not be the way to go for most; and sure as hell it’ll beat me down from time to time. but it just sounds about right at this point.
bit by bit i will let them all go. and if it still bugs me, i can just end it all.
no difference or all difference; same result almost always.