for the past few months i felt things,
i wanted things, i wanted to get up, and i wanted to cry, i wanted to hurt and i got hurt.
i felt something..
i wanted to get dressed, i wanted to shop; i wanted to put on makeup and i wanted to go out.. but as the days went on my desires dwindled without my notice.
until yesterday i put in effort to draw lines on my eyes and wanted to smell good, i shaved my legs and straightened my hair even..
i wanted to love my man, and sing along to my favorite songs with my friends.
i wanted to rant; i wanted to discuss and i wanted to look forward to things.
i wanted to work on my skills and to pursue a good career.
i even wanted my own family.
but today, i feel nothing.. i’m depressed again.
i’d go to my therapist, but she’ll ask me to swallow more pills in order for the sessions to be “more effective”; to be subdued.
to believe in things i never did.
and i don’t like that if i were to be honest, my pain in fighting the current gave me will.
i lost that will.
i lost it all; or at least all that matters.
i’m depressed again, and again and again..
it’ll never end.
there’s ups and downs and i didn’t mind either.
but this is rock bottom, again.
point is, if i want help anymore i’d ask; but i don’t want that. i don’t want out. i’m done. i’m writing it here when i could be telling those who care. but i honestly don’t know how to do that anymore; don’t even see the reason why i should. it’s pointless. i just want to vent it out. no more no less.