am I really lost? II

by Violet

In this life I get to choose.

To be good or bad. to live or to shut myself down. to grow or to break myself apart.

with the ability to relentlessly go back and forth between whichever till the end of my atomic assembly.

A false sense of control, but control nonetheless; Thus why I chose to remain a little while longer.

Enlightened at least.

Assuming I maintained my previous desire; what would happen if I ended my existence? The worst of course.

I would no longer ever have the upper hand.

For in the realm I’m currently in, it is my body alone that does not belong to me, but as for my sweet soul? all mine (and those I choose to give pieces of it to).

What about the afterlife realm? The graced, Godly Realm? -scoff-

My current vessel would be gone forever, replaced mayhap. And my soul enslaved. 

Good or bad, never both, never in-between. No more growing, no more reassembling and surely zero possibility to just. Be. Nothing. No more grey.

 A slave to the monstrous creator for all eternity. 

 I love endings; new beginnings even more. to lose all that forever makes me shudder with morbid fear.