am I really lost?

by Violet

The shores of my soul have been harbouring the idea of death.

Yes, and for quite some time now. Taking my own life seemed my only way out. But a realisation then came along; what happens after death? What do I want to happen after my death, to me.

The afterlife -what will come next- is such a disgusting aspect, isn’t it?

To some it is what’s desired; meeting the creator, being at peace (supposedly), seeing those who departured before us, once again. all so horrible to the likes of me.

I would pretty much not and shall not ever be “graced” nor blessed to be in the “light” of our so called creator. ha! more like monster.

To exist isn’t the desire of all. I never was asked if I wanted to be here; not before nor during and surely not after!

Eternal life is a punishment within itself.

Which quite frankly is the answer to what comes next; my second question.