here I sit, drinking my dose of bitter, sour in its room-temperature, shot of caffeine. it brings you to mind; you, our simple randevue and how when I first met you I attempted to replace my nicotine with coffee in hopes that the air wouldn’t get too thin for me.
here I sit, listening to the songs I played when I first stood naked -in both senses- for the first time; I recall your peering eyes and how I hoped they’re truly as pleased as the beetles eating away at my honeyed skin.
here I sit, with a book in hand attempting to read, but three sentences in and my buzzing-with-madness brain takes refuge in recalling your words from last night; right before our mundane fight.
oh yes, same feeling I get whenever we have our usual talk about who’s going to be the “housewife” despite the fact that we both would love to live out our lives with my plant, your future child, always in the same bed we plan to die on top of (maybe next to).
I’m scared again.. you and your repetitive ways of pushing, expanding my horizons.
and here, I sit, huddled; with a pile of books written by most my idols surrounding my vision, I recall a feeling.. a feeling I had never felt before.
“…when are you going to do it?”
[they needn’t know. I just want to bathe in the beauty, in recollection of the amount of faith you have in me every time I read this pointless piece again.] …
a faith in an imperfect entity. a faith all the gods that ever came to existence would never come to understand.
remain envious, they shall.