إنه مجرد وهم

expressive free-writing blog. all rights reserved to Reem AL-Abdullah (c)

Month: December, 2016

It Goes as Follows;

It goes as follows,

First I speak up;

Then follows,

“you’re too technical”, “too objective”, “you’re the one who’s unrealistic”

and then follows

all their emitted subjective, shallow opinions; I absorb it and feel it; empathise too much with it.

I become it, them.

I begin to self-loath; hate my own existence cause that what’s looking through their eyes feels like.

and as much as I’d like to think that I appreciate myself; I become more eager to end it all, definitively.

for feeling too conflicted? perhaps.

The demons come out and start drowning me inside out; then just from around.

they scream, plea and cry with love and hate all at once; all at once!

then comes the worst of all.. judgmental numbness..

there’s no going back now.

I Hate You, Dear Self..

no, no; I hate them.

so let go, run.

i am a mad woman with a broken heart 

this is a cry for sanity 

i cannot take my company anymore

i cannot withstand others either

i want to runaway but where to

i cannot find a single home not even within myself 

my soul is a sham 

my faith is a lie

my ideas feel distant 

and my love for her is all i am left with
do i deserve her anymore?