إنه مجرد وهم

expressive free-writing blog. all rights reserved to Reem AL-Abdullah, 2017(c)

Category: poetry

it is in our actions not our words 

what’s a pretty poem?

it’s your soft skin and the way your eyes widen, then slowly shut when i touch you. 

it’s how you crack a mischievous smile every time you gaze back at me and can tell that i still -very much so- am in love with you; as my fingers start to drape you with my unwavering lust for your body.

it is in the way we both still give in to one another.

Advertisements

We’re not fated by the stars, i’m not your yin nor your yang; the sun is dying and the moon is just a rock.. and dear, shams left rumi for selfish reasons.

Love is a fever dream, gives you the thrill of feeling the unreal; makes you believe you’re bigger than your pointless existence. Mhm for a day or two; a year and two months.

So tell me is what we shared a mere lie that’s yet to be as crippling as religion?

Were my days of tears and heartache worth while; my time wishing upon everything down to specks of dust and how they were floating above my head, looking holy enough to grant a dying wish; worth my focus?

Love is just desires based on attachments. Kissing you is mere lust and our promises turned out to be the easiest to break the second they left our lips.

so kiss me, let’s keep ’em safe.. but no:

I’ll go on with my churning stomach and my fossilizing heart, in memory of just another lie. 

And you go on with your fingers between her thighs telling me i’m not worth your time, cause you already care for her.

little girl

little girl, you’re in pain.

grieving for the losses of the years.

you and your daddy issues, 

and even mommy didn’t give you enough hugs and kisses till you cried yourself to sleep each night.

though, little girl you were born a lover,

 stealing glances since you were 8 years old; 

hopelessly looking for aphrodite’s promises of roses and smiles.

the world isn’t as peaceful as your day-dreams, 

rather filled with those monsters of your night-terrors that never left you since birth.

little girl, you’ve grown and found the one!

but she took you for granted,

 and wanted mere pain instead, cause that’s what she’s been addicted to; “unlike you”.

little girl; 

the cycle will never end, now you know, so get your shit together, you’re a grown woman now.

existence / recording #2

IMG_5554.JPG

 

open link below for recording

>violet fact<

recording #1

IMG_4830

give the following link a listen:

>violet fact< 

Humming 

Stuck in those days, where your eyes stare down mine. Stuck in those ways; where you smile wearies mine. I’ve been stuck for ages, not knowing how to escape it, oh your love gives me cold sweats each night; but I love you, don’t get it all wrong… I just don’t know how to let myself do, sometimes.

An idealist heart, loathing every bit of itself, wanting nothing but entireness.

The brain gives up; rather gets overthrown, literally off its boat; a captain-less warship of logic, gone astray.

It is the harsh waves of emotion that over flood the shores of the lungs, eating away at each and every atom of air within. Till blood turn purple.

That is how it feels with each breath i draw in, that, that is your love.

she rests her head somewhere I’m not.. for now?

reem, [Jan 13, 2017, 3:10 PM]:

today’s vibe is very uncomfortable in a familiar way; it warms the heart which is confusing cause it’s not supposed to

it’s a rare day

one where you enjoy the little things more than the major beauties

staring at the random, usual looking clouds, consuming most of the sky

listening to good but not the best music

where when the sun and its extra pretty rays dance with the other tender looking clouds on the other side of the sky is actually an eyesore; making you avert your gaze back to the average.. again

where you realize that the reason we ache is the reason we chose to be away from our creator

longing has a bitter-sweet taste to it that’s like cherry wine; addictive

it’s why you, my partner’s perfect distance is needed; for one day though; so that my soul could indulge the griefs of love

but not for too long

or i’d suffocate

that’s why we are not immortal

we’d suffocate from being away from our core; our creator; our grand love, for too long..

1:11 am

hands that surge the soul with utter joy, grip the edges of my universe within your grasp and dress yourself with my galaxies.

shoulders that represent the slumping flanks of a dormant volcano waiting to be discovered as the greatest of all high mountains.

a face like the clear skies of mid-summer with three suns for both eyes, and the holiest of all grins; that give infinite warmth to even one’s deepest pits dwelling within the soul.

when it comes to your spirit? your beautiful, godly heart and extraterrestrial love!? words seize to do you justice, lover. for only the joys that I feel within the depths of my existence lies the only human aspect that could clearly only try to make the rest fathom your greatness; and oh my greater love for you on par!
engulf me, engulf me, consume my atoms; creating our own dimension of spacetime. like merging worlds; expand my horizons.

The ember of the skies and oceans within my heart; “my sun”

And I say I will love you until the end of me; cause time is pointless without my realization of it.
Reality as a hoax and I am immortal as long as your heart beats within me.
I am yours; till the end of the beyond. Impossible.

/Different Lands for Just You and I/

November 8th


I had certainly died,
for my birth, begins each time, in the recollection of the beautiful image of her wide, fire-lit brown eyes.
I have no other memory of warmth but that I had in between her..
cradled in her grasp I have learnt the beauty of being a female, moreover the bliss of getting loved by one.
Then I die; once more, surpassing the meaning of just being in love.

November 2nd


Love intoxicates you, leads you to believe in the unfathomable;

then breaks your bones -at your will- and asks you to rely on your crutches of a lover; “they can surely withstand you for the rest of your time.”
so you’re consumed by the ideal that it’s only your right.
I hate being a burden. I hate all of this.

/Crippling Hate./

October 25th


As the gold disappears from my locks, sweet armored princess of mine, wake me from my jaded slumber; show me your world for I am on the brink of leaving mine. Then meet me, meet me half way on the gates of your lips and let us create a universe of our own; gentle lover of mine, I will save you and you will save me. I promise to love you. Just meet me there.
Kiss me. One more time, but please this time, let it be everlasting.

/I Can’t Help but Cave in From Time to Time/

August 29th


I don’t need you to make sense,

I need you to be real.
Forever is pointless to my decaying existence; be worthwhile. Time is not real or at least not how we were made to believe it to be; simply a dimension.

no past no future; our forever is now.
Hold me, I am weak despite my seemingly strong exterior. (how?)
I cry in silence cause I have been called a coward one too many times as I got hurt too often.
Be different, I am tired. Bent out of shape. Do not correct me. Love me as I am now.
Weak breaths and shaky hands, words underlined with true-naive- promises. That is all the lost child I was born to be could genuinely give.
Be the home I long for. My broken legs are giving up on me. I do not know what it is I am supposed to want besides that. A home. Home..

August 24th


Fuck words,

fuck thinking about how you would swoon over my like-no-other loving promises.
I don’t feel like simply having you understand how invested I am in you.. Us.
My sweet dream of the future.
My all-time companion; I want to prove it to you.
I want to grab your hand, run towards the end and never let you go. Still.
Those eyes of yours control me; will forever do so.
Nothing could come between us, I will fight it with my life. And whatever comes next.
I am yours to hold and love or to be taught a life lesson. I vow. I am in love; truly.

/Vows. /This Is It.
August 22nd


May I be selfish, lover?

May I desire you at all times with no guilt?
I do not know how, but I would rather not even consider fathoming a life well spent yet without you; so let me ask of you, will you be mine? for the naive forever that a hopeless romantic’s true nature cannot help but gravitate towards..
You are all that I need. Come drown your flames within my waters; rest assure I am here to free you. So warm me up; let us be free, in love.

/I Miss You./
August 5th